A Message To You
Ni Putu Saraswati Putri Setiawan (INA YES to USA YP 16–17)
The expectations to become the real you are very high. You have to embrace so many things in one time but you can’t lose your true color. Always being the center of attention, wherever you go. All eyes always on you.
“Who you think you are may not be the real you.”
All this years I thought I know myself. But being abroad alone made everything so different. Maybe your exchange year is about you, about you exploring yourself. Knowing yourself even better, away from any influences that might change you. Once you are ready, you can go out there and start to explore more about yourself. It does take time. It takes a lot of courage too. To be comfortable in your own skin. I never really comfortable talking in public, my face and ears will turn red and I will startled. I prefer an eye to an eye conversation, more relaxed and less formal. I used to hate being the center of attention but at the same time I want to touch people as many people as I could. To shared my biggest dream, my weirdest thought and also my view with them. The way I see my life, my addiction towards war movies or even to had a conversation whether a stars consider as a living thing or not. All this idea that I’m trying to pour out is limited because I’m not brave enough. I’m not confident enough or to give an opinion in my history class.
But then I realized, I feel like I’m trap in my own mind.
Unable to say what I really want.It’s suffocating me. I start to speak up. Changes everything, I feel relieved. I feel free, I feel like I’m more comfortable in myself.
I”m sure before we (exchange students) leave, all of us have some sort of an expectation about our exchange year. Will we be able to see snow? Or go to the big cities? Do things that we think we will do? But what if all of those things will not happen? Then the next problem starts to appear.
You think you didn’t have the exchange year as you expected. You started to realized how hard it is to make friends, close friends. The one that actually you want to hang out with and have fun with. Or doing stuff that you think you will do. Going to the places you think you’ll go. Or attend fun workshop you think you will attend. But what if, in this time of the year it is your time to get to know more people, to touch more people. What if it is your time to make greater impact to your society compare than making advantages for yourself. Isn’t that is the reason we become an exchange student? Share all your knowledges and tradition to others, teaching them that differences are good and not always scary.
It is not your fault if you think in your exchange year you’re not as successful compare to other kids, but that’s okay. We still have 5 more months to go, to reach our goal and do something that actually have an impact to our surroundings. When I attended my first and last homecoming dance I set my goal. I have to make friends before I leave, so when it is prom time I will not dance alone and also I don’t want to eat lunch alone. I want to sit in the table full of people I know and have fun. It wasn’t easy, I’m a very shy kid and I would probably choose to sit and eat alone. But since homecoming, I know I should be more active for my own sanity.
I know this year is not gonna be easy for me, for my parents and also my family. Being away for awhile is tough. So many hardships but also laughter filled my days. I learn so many things, so many differences. I appreciated so much. The more I see things, the more I know. All humans are one. The only thing that separated us is our mind. If you try to understand a little bit, it will not always be rainbows and unicorns but sure is beautiful. And this is The Most Beautiful Moment in Life.
